A question I am often asked?

 “The practice had a way of finding everything you had been avoiding. That was not incidental to the practice. That was the practice.”

— from the SAS curriculum

At the International TC Festival in the Netherlands this month, one question kept coming back to me in different forms. People wanted to know what actually develops in a person who keeps practicing Transformational Connection over time.

It is a fair question, and that has become clearer over the years. TC can be powerful in the first weekend. That does not always tell you where it goes.

Here is my answer, drawn from what I have watched happen in myself and in people who have practiced over the last 15 years. I have kept it to five.

1. You better feel what is happening in you while it is actually happening

Not later, in the car on the way home. In the moment. The tightening in the chest, the wave of grief, the small wish to look away. Most of us have learned to move past these quickly. Here you learn to give them trust and space instead, and that turns out to be the ground of self-acceptance. It is also where healing tends to happen and where much of what makes other people feel close to you occurs.

2. You lead from who you actually are

It is easy to believe you have to be a certain way in order to lead, composed. authoritative. Competent. Have you ever been in a situation where you tried not to visibly struggle in front of those around you?

The first time I was invited to lead this practice, I was so moved that my throat thickened and I could barely breathe, in front of forty people. I was carrying a quiet conviction that a leader stays composed. The turning point was pushing myself to be beyond vulnerability. It was daring to show it. The moment I did, something in me steadied, the room softened, and we dropped into a shared presence none of us could have arranged.

We can start to learn that what is within us is enough. More than this, our being inspires others on their path of transformation. From there, leadership can stop being a performance and becomes an expression.

3. Connection becomes somewhere you can discover, not something that happens to you

Without practice, I could not treat the deep meetings of my life as too much more than luck or ‘timing’. Ever found yourself saying, "We just had good chemistry”? Something that either arrives or does not. Over time, you find that it is a capacity. You can feel the quality of what is alive between you and another person, and you can work with it. Intimacy stops being something that merely happens to you and becomes an arena for discovery.

4. You can see the dynamic you are in while you are still inside it

I have never met anyone without a pattern in intimacy. Ways we have learned to withdraw, to control, to go vague. I have certainly found, over time, that I can withdraw, rescue, and passive-aggressively try to meet my needs. This was humbling but so useful.

What changes is not that the patterns vanish. It lets you see yours in real time and work with it while it is live. That is a real gift to the people close to you, and it transforms you at the same time.

5. Something deeper can be trusted to guide you

This is the most important. I remember being with someone who went quiet for some time, then suddenly looked up with a tear in her eye: “It is real, all those spiritual books I have read, it is here all the time!” 

Underneath our usual personality and the strategies, there is something quieter that can be seen, felt, and followed. It is often seen as the pinnacle of the spiritual journey to be in relationship with the divine. 

What I notice is that the more we sense this, the more it humbles us in the right way, makes us kinder without effort, clarifies our destiny, and brings a great deal of aliveness.

Having read those qualities, which one registered the most in your body? That reaction is usually more revealing than the explanation I could give you.

What does this have to do with the SAS?

The SAS is our flagship advanced training in Transformational Connection and Surrendered Leadership. It is where these five capacities are actually developed: in the body, in real contact with other people, over 6 months, alongside a group committed to the same depth. The next one begins on 3rd September in Amsterdam.

There are no requirements for signing up, other than checking in with the course leader before registering to explore whether it's a good fit and for you to ask any questions you have. 

It also usually helps to be willing to be changed by the practice rather than informed by it!

If you want to find out more

The simplest next step is a free call on Friday 28 August, 7–8.30pm CEST, online. I will talk through what the SAS actually involves and answer whatever you want to ask. You are very welcome to come and just listen.

Register here (free, no card needed) 

If you are ready to talk one-to-one, you can book a free SAS exploration call here.

You do not arrive knowing how. You arrive willing.

Sean